It’s been so long. Definitely longer than it should be. I feel so bad for it and its truly inexcusable. Its been so long since i opened up and read and its been so long since i got on my knees and spoke. Sometimes it feels like I’m taking Him for granted. I come and go as i please not considering the fact the He misses me way more than i miss Him. Is He upset? Never! Am i forgiven? Yes! But i think sometimes our (my) human instinct is that since we know God is forgiving and we can reach Him at any time we please, we put it off. Days, weeks, months, even years we sometimes go without picking up the Bible or praying. It’s not okay!
If we look at our relationship with God the same way we look at our relationships with family, friends or significant others, we must consider the fact that the strength of the relationship depends on the effort back and forth. Man and wife don’t typically go days, weeks, or months without speaking a word to each other. This puts the relationship in shambles. We know that God is consistently putting maximum effort in His relationship with us so it is certain that we are the lacking variable. We are the ones not reciprocating the effort back to Him. What does this result in? A failed relationship. Lucky for us God doesn’t see it that way. He will not let us or our relationship with Him fail and whenever we come back, He’s always there. But is it fair? Is it fair to go through those moments of laziness or lack of interest in our spiritual life?
I don’t get it sometimes because ill go through these phases where i know I’m lacking HARD on what i should be doing to maintain my relationship with Him but i don’t do anything about it. I am conscious of the fact that i did not read my Bible today or didn’t speak to Him but just kind of move on and hope that i get to it eventually. Why am i like this? I have no idea! It’s so frustrating to know that I KNOW what i’m doing is wrong but not do anything about it. I think i may be just writing this to tell myself that i am totally a fool and maybe i’ll find some motivation to get back into it by writing it out in words.
Its truly a feeling that i don’t know how to exactly describe when i want to so badly do the right things or go down the right path but can’t. It may be that i can’t describe it because it makes no sense. How can i want to do the right thing, i.e read my Bible and daily prayer, but just not do it. This is the first time that i am disconnected from service, fellowship, and spiritual guidance and maybe that’s why this is occurring. Maybe i need this to realize how far i actually was from God and a spiritual life. It may be the ultimate test to be taken away from all the resources i’ve ever known and still try and maintain that relationship. If this is the test, then i desperately need a tutor ASAP.
I have so many people who are near and dear to my heart and whom i truly consider like brothers. Sometimes i wish i could sit down and speak to them about this dilemma but it doesn’t seem the same being where i am. Things truly shift +/- when you’re distanced…